Monday, 12 August 2013

The body of our writing - What do we need to write now?

W.A.L.T explain

Focus - Writing an explanation
W.A.L.T explain
Purpose - to show people that you can make dye out of vegetables
Task - to explain a Science investigation
Success Criteria - 
Sentence starters - First off, firstly, secondly, thirdly, At first, I think, I predict, I see, At last, I hear, Now. 
Use different connectives - Like, Next, after that, therefore, meanwhile, also, Finally, then, In the beginning, suddenly.
Use questions - to interact with the audience
Use the proper words
Punctuation - full stops, capital letters, paragraphs, speech marks, 
Proof read - make sure it makes sense
Diagram - picture, image of what happens, the process.

First paragraph - Class collaboration (Explain what happens)

At first we got onions skins and we boiled it in a moderate sized pot. Make sure you put enough water in your pot to cover the onion skins. Next we left it to simmer and watched the water change colour. I thought that the water was going to change a orange colour but it didn't, it turned gold. (It turned as gold as golden syrup)

Tuesday 13 August 2013 - extending the body of our writing - Here are some DRAFT examples of the students work so far.

Now i’ll tell you how to make it out of beetroot your lucky it will smell like fish n chips yummy.  You only need every thing that you needed with the onion skin one but with beetroot. to start off you need to put beetroot in the pot then fill it just over top then boil it on a stove put it on high temperature. Wait until it melts down. If you want you could get a magnifying glass and you might see little bits of beetroot. But then you have to drain it out in the bowl.
Class feedback - you may need to say how much beetroot you put in and if you need to cut it up..
Surface features - capital letters, an exclamation mark would be good after yummy...a comma in front of yummy so they could pause before saying yummy.

I thought that the calico material would change the colour of the half made dye into a liter dye like pink because white is lite and red+white= a pinky colour.Next we came up to the pot from our spots and saw it changing into a red colour, If you looked hard enough you could see the tiny little bits of beetroot that had broken off and turned it into a darker red.
Class feedback - They could change how they said red+white to red and white. Space, check spelling, make sure it makes sense, tense.

When the boiling water boils the material tiny flakes start to fall off this gives that water the color.It works like a peice of meat in a crock pot the meat starts to peel off the bone.Now try putting a lid on the pot (a bowl will be fine) leave it for 5 minutes the take it off. What do you see? water? no its not it is evaporated onion! here is how it works. The boiling water causes the onion to flake off small pieces only a microscope could see. then it gets hot and the water evaporates containing the onion and rises but since there is a lid it goes onto the lit dnd turns back to water still containing the onion.

Class feedback - Spelling, Capital letters and full stops, proof read to make sure it makes sense.

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